For oh so many reasons...
To start off- that sweet little "not so 8lb 9.5 oz" baby girl has stolen my heart completely. I cannot believe she is almost 15 lbs and sooooo long now! She is crawling, pulling up on things, sitting up on her own. Life is flying way too fast for me. As I sat rocking her today I was just thinking about how proud of my little family I am. How happy I am to be right where I am in my life. It truly is all I have ever wanted.
Sure, who doesn't dream about huge houses and all that jazz you see on pinterest?! But all I really want and need is right here. Our house isn't tiny but it is by no means huge. We plan to one day add on, but we love where we are, our neighborhood, our neighbors, my family, the area, the schools... The sole fact that we did it on our own. I still feel 19- how do I own a home? Who needs a huge house when you have the perfect little one. We have built our family in this home and nothing could be better than that. No big huge house (that would just take longer to clean and be more expensive to pay the electric bill!) can make me any happier than where I am right now.
I am so proud of my degree from Carolina. I often wonder if it was a waste of my parents money and time. I've pondered this thought as well as discussed it with other stay at home moms. I taught for 3.5 years. I touched the lives of that many children and more. I am still using my degree to tutor because I am more highly qualified, therefor I am being paid more and have a better chance at getting the hours that I desire and can continue to be a stay at home mom for my Riley. I have come to the conclusion that it was not a waste. It was a wonderful experience and it means so much to me that my parents gave me that opportunity. To be a tar heel. To be proud of something and to earn my degree. It means a lot to me. I only pray to be able to give that to Riley in the years to come.
I am happy to have my family so close. I frequently am asked about living next door to my parents. My response... "it's wonderful." You may think; "oh yeh, you have a live in babysitter/ grocery store/ pool." Sure- those are definitely helpful and that to me is what family is for. The main reason I love having them there is the support system and the love. I have always been a homebody and being so close to the home I grew up in means the world to me. And what is even better is that my husband feels the same way about it. I'm sure it gets annoying for him at times which I am sure it does to my parents as well as myself at times, but I can promise you he loves it.
I am also happy to have the support and friends that I do. Things change when you have babies. Luckily, I have several friends with babies. Without my mommy friends and play dates, I would be lost! They have helped me so much as a person and as a mommy. It is so nice to be able to talk, compare notes, share stories and spend time together. And yes, I still have a ton of friends that don't have kids and that I love to spend time with and that is why I am so thankful for FRIENDS.
I am happy to have my husband. The incredible man that he is. The wonderful father he is. The perfect husband for me. He is so great to me. To work so hard and allow me to stay home. He has always worked hard to provide for our little family. He served 4 years in the Marine Corps and has now worked his way up in Dominos. You can think he was handed this job all you want to just because he works for my parents. I can promise you that is not the case. I have never seen anyone in their company work harder than he does. He works countless hours and never slacks. He has never been given or just handed anything. I promise you that. Nothing has been handed to him and I am more proud of him than ever. He worked full time, was a daddy and finished his associates degree all at the same time. He often misses trips or birthday parties because he has to work. He never pulls the "I'm family" card to get out of things and again- he works his butt off. I am so proud of him. People may talk and say "oh, he doesn't do anything because he is family" and nothing upsets me more. That man is the hardest worker I have ever known in this business and I have lived and breathed Dominos pizza my whole life.
I have been praying a lot. Having Riley has brought me closer to God again and I am so thankful for that. I may not be the "perfect Christian" or the person some may want me to be. But I don't think it matters what others think. What matters is my relationship with God and what it means to me. I thank Him every day for my wonderful family, friends, life and most of all the blessing He gave to me on October 24th, 2011. I pray each day and night that He will keep her safe with me and help me to be the best mommy I can be.
As I cooked dinner tonight in our tiny little kitchen that I have always had many plans for- I realized... it's not the size, the price tag or the fancy things in life that matter. It's family and God.
We are writing our will and we have been discussing a lot lately. Who we want to name guardians, who would take care of our house until Riley is old enough... I was stressing out about something happening to me and whoever having her not making her baby food right or not helping her pick the perfect prom dress... I decided that is all in God's hands. I hope that is nothing we will ever have to worry about and it is such a hard thing to think about and write.
I just thank God for letting me live this life I have always dreamed of. Sure, it's not perfect. Sure, my baby gets cranky if she hasn't had a nap and wants to sleep... Sure, my house is small and sometimes I get stressed out because my kitchen is so small there seems to always be a mess. But what I have learned is to let it go. I am a mommy and all that matters is being the best mommy I can be. And letting go of all those things that used to be so "important" (wanting a huge house, nice cars, fancy things, keeping the house clean... etc.) They don't matter anymore. I am a mommy and I am HAPPY.
Thank you, God.
~let go laughing