today, i am hurt

...worse than I have ever been hurt in my life. 

I am not one for politics. This will very likely be the only political blog you ever see from me...

But... to know my brother and my cousin and my friends and so many other innocent people that are no different than you and I are feeling the way they do right now. That so many North Carolinians took time out of their day, took time off work, left their children with babysitters... to take rights away from another human being. Today, I sit and cry because of fear that my daughter may one day be treated this way. That she may one day be discriminated against because of who she loves. Today, I lost friends... or so I thought they were friends. Today, I lost SO much respect for people I know and loved. Today I took a stand to draw a line. My husband, my family I will not subject my child to this type of close mindedness. Sure, she will be around it. Unfortunately... But if I have the choice not to be, I will not.

It is one thing to believe and have your own beliefs. Sure, you may believe same sex marriage is wrong and marriage is intended to be for a man and a woman and to procreate and all of that... Believe what you wish. That is your right. But to banish legal rights of others because of choices they make? Guess what? Had this stupid (yes, stupid) amendment never passed... they still would never have been able to be married.  Deuteronomy 22:13-21- A marriage shall only be considered a marriage if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed... Hmmmmm? So when are we going to put that in the constitution... Oh, wait. 

WHY was this even an issue? WHY was this nonsense even able to be voted upon. What happened to separation of church and state? How can people who voted for this stand up and say they are NOT racist or bigots? 

"Democracy" in ACTION is NOT the majority voting on the civil liberties of the minority. AND DISCRIMINATION is NOT just a "difference of opinion", being FOR INEQUALITY of another person is not an "opinion" it's a direct form of DISCRIMINATION! 

I pray (Yes, I pray.) our world will be a better place one day. At least our area here in NC is AGAINST this discrimination, and honestly, if you voted for it... I have nothing to say to you other than I hope it never affects your family. Your daughters, sons, wives or friends. No one deserves to be treated this way. No one. 

This is a direct quote from a family member of mine.

Jesus Christ was a major political activist. He ministered to people who didn't believe in Him- He didn't pass amendments against them. Actually, He saved His most scathing criticisms for those who had the most opportunities to study the scriptures. The religious leaders of His day had a laundry list of people that they deemed "less than" or worthy of public criticism because of their lifestyles. But the One in whom I believe loved them. If the only people to whom we minister are people who look like us and act like us and believe just like us then we have missed the mark and we don't know Him as well as we think we do. It is difficult to minister to people when we actively seek to alienate them. Delete me or block me if you must- but if you do continue to use our faith as a reason for this type of activity then don't be spoon fed by someone else. Read and pray. Then do it again. I think your heart will change.

This family member no longer lives in NC but still finds this disheartening. As many of my friends and family members do. Unfortunately, people are talking about leaving and moving. That will not help. That will not change. We must stay here, stay strong and make better for our future. This is just a battle in the war. We will win. If there is no equality, how is this America? 

I will end this blog soon, but this will not be the end of my fight. You will not stop hearing about this from me and if you don't like it, oh well. Bigotry is not something I stand for and by all means not something I will teach my daughter. I am sorry that so many people have shunned themselves now from her life and mine because of this choice. I just cannot justify your choice. It was not an "opinion" because "opinions" don't change other peoples lives. Again- you have the right to your opinion, but it doesn't mean it is OK or right. 

I grew up in church and I will tell you the one thing I remember the most. DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD WANT THEM TO DO TO YOU. 

So yes, I have lost friends. I am OK with that. Unfortunately, there is too much hate in this world. You cannot claim "I have a gay friend, and I love him" and then turn around and vote to take away his or her legal rights. THAT is a lie. You obviously don't know what love is. 

I am happy to say that my area and my little bubble of NC is AGAINST this amendment. I am happy to live around such wonderful people. People who care about others and have hearts. 

I will end with a letter I found from a friend. She posted this on May 8th, 2012. I couldn't have said it better to my little girl. The little girl who I love so deeply and hope to share the love with her. I hope to share with her that love is for everyone. You can love whoever you should treat everyone the same. I plan to raise her how I was raised and I am saddened that so many others were not. 

To my daughter:

Today the people of North Carolina are voting on whether or not to amend our state constitution. And it seems like the people are going to vote for it to pass. Usually when a constitution is amended it is to give more rights to people, but today it is being used as a weapon to further take rights away from people we love. And that makes me sad. There is a good chance you are going to see me cry today. And probably tomorrow, too. By the time you read this you won't remember that, which is why I want to take a minute and write to you today.

I really hope that by the time you read this there is no more Amendment One. I hope that it is a short footnote in your history books. One that is talked about with the same shame that haunts other stories of people being denied civil rights.

I can't explain to you why people act the way they do. I have no idea why people would vote to harm others. I wish I had these answers for you. I can help you not be one of those people.

Learn from the mistakes of others. Amendment One is a mistake, so let's learn from it.

There are many different types of people in the world. I'm sure you've figured this out by now. Unfortunately, to some people that is frightening. Don't let it scare you. Embrace it. This does not mean you have to get along with everyone, but please don't let differences of ethnicity, sexual orientation, or handicap ever be a reason.

Advocate. When you see someone being treated poorly for a reason you feel is unjust it is sometimes tempting to sit back and not say anything, because it isn't about you. But when people are being picked on, especially for things they cannot help, it affects us all.

Empathy. Think about how you would feel if you were in their shoes. How about if your friends were in their shoes. Speak up. Say something. Make sure bullies know that they are the ones with the problem. Sometimes adults are bullies too, they just get different names.

Love is important. Be supportive, be loyal, and be there for the ones you love. Especially when the world is weighing heavily on their shoulders. Share the load. When you have the choice between love and hate, it's usually a good bet to choose love.

But sometimes you can't love everyone. Sometimes you have to be harsh towards people who hurt your friends and family. And that is okay, too. You can love without being a doormat for the people who would hurt you.

Remember that it is never okay to choose to hurt others in the name of religion.

Don't let hate win by compromising your own beliefs. Some people have said that if we don't like Amendment One that we should just move. North Carolina is our home. I love this state and cannot let it fall victim to the hatred that seems to be lurking in the shadows. This state is beautiful, and I am not about to let the problems of other people make me run. If we all leave then hate wins.

Your generation is our hope. That is cheesy. But it's true. Younger voters are by and large far more likely to be against this amendment than older voters. Your peers will probably have the chance to make many positive changes in the world. Please let inclusion and love be among the ones that make you most proud. It will make me proud to be the generation that raised you.

Love, mommy


  1. Hi, I just recently found your blog via another conservative blog, so I was surprised (happily so) to read this here. I think you are fantastic and I hope you and your family) will continue to speak out. Thanks for this excellent post.

  2. Hey there. I will be honest, I was a bit nervous to link up to Kelly because of how she may feel about this post. I considered deleting it for the link up, but realized that was ridiculous. This is ME and this is REAL. Exactly as my blog header states. Thanks for reading!

  3. Lauren, I just came across your blog and was reading through some of the posts ( I love looking at the adorable pictures of Riley Quinn!) This post was one of the most touching things I have read in a while. It brought tears to my eyes. You should really think about contributing articles like this to local newspapers like the Indy. You are a great writer and this post was so inspirational! If only more people like you would speak up.

    1. It is so funny you came across this today of all days. I have been discussing this issue with others today who differ in opinion. I wish we could all just get along and accept everyone for who they are no matter what. Miss you girl! Hope you are doing well. xoxo


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